This has been a decade. Things have happened, people did things, as people are wont to do, and and rollercoasters, man! Up and down. Like life. I thought I'd review some important lessons I've learned in the past 10 years. Sit tight.
1) Charcoal briquettes are not for eating. It doesn't matter if you're staying in a foreigner's house which usually has unfamiliar, festive, foreign packets of food lying around: if you see a shiny packet with round black cookies sitting on top of the fridge, nestled in with bags of tea, take some more time to read the packaging. "Charbon / Charcoal" is not fancy French language for chocolate. IT'S EFFING CHARCOAL. DON'T BITE INTO IT.
This happened Christmas morning. The Jew got coal in her stocking. Punishment for spending Christmas Eve defiling the sanctity of underwear by watching Shop Erotic, the Home Shopping Network for dildos and crotchless panties, with a guy named Christian? Maybe. Nobody can say for sure, but I've got my eye on you, "Saint" Nick.
2) The West Wing is good, and somebody should have told me this sooner.
2a) For further investigation in 2010-2019: Why are they using Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" for the intro song?
3) Torchwood is the letters of Doctor Who rearranged! I am either the last Doctor Who fan to find this out, or it is a massive, secret conspiracy. (Technically, I found this out yesterday, but I'm running out of things that I've learned this year...)
4) It is a commendable idea to take the haircutting advice of a wacked-out dream involving party planning, international spies hunting you, or maybe you hunting them, and Peanuts characters running after a train materializing in the bathroom. At least, I hope it's a commendable idea, because I had a dream last night in which I got straight bangs and had my hair up in a cheerleading ponytail, and I looked AMAZING, and it is long overdue for me to get a haircut.
5) I think I might've been told that about Torchwood months ago and forgot, so it does count!
So that's it! It's been some years, guys. It's been some years.