This is why we can't have nice things

Things like emotions. And relationships that last longer than a week. My response (in March) to dumping*/getting dumped after a month by a guy I didn't really like: going home with a cute, polite, and talented musician. My response (tonight) to getting dumped** after six months by a guy I did like: eating half a bag of Pirate's Booty and four donuts, staring at my cell phone in disgust, and playing endless games of Solitaire.

Joke's on his 40-year-old ass, though, and yes I got dumped by an old man who wrote "u" and "2" for "you" and "to/too," but now he's going to miss out on the most amazing Halloween costume ever inspired by one of my addictions and Girls's Costume Warehouse: Sexy Ramen. By the way, if anyone has any ideas on how one could actually make a Sexy Ramen costume, I'm listening.

Plus, on Friday I met someone who's polite, cuter, better in bed, and doesn't have a replacement hip, so the moral of this story is... I guess it's that I am awful at ginning for sympathy points. Hey, I never said I had strong emotions. Now please excuse me while I go vomit up nine donuts. (I had some drunken, anticipatory donut-eating after a few suspicious texts last night, pre-angry passing out on the couch, but post-leaving my clothes in various rooms of the apartment for my roommates to find. Like a scavenger hunt!)

*As much as that word can apply to a "relationship" that was never official.
**As much as that word can apply to a "relationship" that was never official, and during the span of which I made out with many other people. And sure, when I put it like that, it makes it sound like I shouldn't care. But he was the one who was always too busy, so it's really his fault.