My psychic abilities haven't yet failed me, as I am indeed incredibly anally fucked with regards to transferring. I'm talking about 18 viable credits out of over 60 completed. Even worse (or better) is what I found out during the other 45 minutes of my meeting with the admissions counselor, and by that, I mean her entire life story. I heard about her time spent in the Peace Corps, her newfound gift for poetry*, and some unknown student's personal issues. I also got some free, unsolicited, and occasionally demeaning life advice. Score!
When she was still at least tangentially on topic and talking about ultimate career goals, albeit
her career goals, she explained how she "didn't want to be the topping on a company." That only distracted me, because I started dreaming about cherries and hot fudge on ice cream sundaes. It is possible she was reading my mind in some way, because a few minutes later she made this offhand comment: "And if you're tired all the time, get a better diet." Did she just call me fat? I think so. On a completely unrelated note, I ate an entire box of Froot Loops yesterday and am too tired today to go to the gym. I wish that were a lie.
One of her best lines, which was accompanied by explode-y hands at the end, was about the importance of a college degree: You need knowledge. When you have knowledge, you can feel safe. Unless you get hit by a car.
Incredibly awkward exchange:
Her: You're grown-up, you need to stop blaming your parents for everything.
Me: I don't blame them? (Okay, that's a lie, but to be fair, everything
is their fault.)
Her: That's not the point. At a certain point you need to accept responsibility. Unless they beat you.
Me: (inadvertent laugh, because what the fuck?)
Her: It's not funny. That's the worst thing a parent can do, physically or sexually abuse their child. A child is trusting, and relies on his parents.
Me: (stunned silence, because WHAT THE FUCK?)
Her: I have a student I counsel whose parents abused him, abused drugs. I can't imagine how someone can get past that.
Me: Oh... yeah, that's awful... So, about that microecon credit?
I finally got her to realize I wanted to leave, which was mostly achieved by me slowly inching my way off my chair, until I was basically standing up with only my hands connected to the chair via its armrests. She left me with inspiring words that deflated my self-worth by 75%: Do you think you have a future now? Do you think you can change?
Yes, I do believe I have a future now. And that future consists of me being free to go buy groceries and not going to this college. Thank you so much for your (but mostly my) time, crazy admissions lady. I shall never forget you.
*Sample: You're a shining star
You will go far
You're the very best
Don't shoot for any less
(She wrote this kind of thing to prospective students. I'm sure they appreciated it.)
