Hi!

Miss me? Of course you did. I didn't miss you, though. At all. But tomorrow I have two important events, and I need something to do to avoid getting ready for them. Since I've read all of the internet in my past couple months of unemployment, this was my only other option. Well, besides reading, sleeping, cleaning, and updating my resume, but let's be serious. What am I, a nun?

OK, life update: I got screwed over by my market research job right in time to compete for limited jobs with millions, nay, trillions, of new graduates who have the teeny-tiny advantage of actually being graduates, so I decided to be a bum for the summer and live off of my savings, tutoring money, and the occasional temp job.

Ah, temp jobs. I took one at a law firm a couple weeks ago and managed to get myself fired after 4.5 days. Impressive, right? Apparently lawyers draw a hard line on public urination. Go figure.

My eventsseses: I have a meeting with an admissions counselor at a city university to figure out just how fucked I am if I want to transfer from my dropped-out-of wasteland of a non-major-having, 3-courses-a-semester college to somewhere with required classes and such. After looking at my transcript, with its math/psych/physical science/religion/comp sci/econ "focus," I'm thinking the answer will be "fucked up the ass with a broom." (Disgusting, related side note: never work at a summer camp for rich white girls. Trust me on this.)

My options are probably going to be either redo almost all of my college years at a new place, go back to that hideously expensive wasteland for two more years, get a paralegal degree, or resign myself to selling my body on the streets for crack. It's a tough decision; I've always had a soft spot for crack.

The other event is the SAT class, for which I sorely need to prepare. (See what I did there with the proper grammarz? Aaaww yeah.) The many good things about this course compared to my last one: no candy set up in the room (i.e., no billions of wrappers left for me to clean up); smart kids; not a 2 hour commute; no assholes. The bad things: no candy in the room (i.e., no candy for me to eat); I suck as a teacher. Seriously. I am boring, don't enjoy it, and don't know some of the material well enough. Fortunately, I don't much care.

It is pretty cool that I'm psychic, though. I was wondering to a friend a while back about if it was possible to never get called for jury duty if I never registered to vote. Two days later, I got my first jury duty summons. Exciting! And spooky! It was for Florida, a state I no longer live or drive in, and never voted in, so that answered my question quite tidily. Perhaps I could conduct my duties telepathically from NY. I'll have to ask about that option.

A much better example of my supernatural abilities (better in that it benefits me) is when I was bitching to that same friend about never getting my overdue stimulus check. A few days later, and ta-da! $600 all pretty for me. It's like I'm my own personal The Secret, except with a secret desire to get jury duty. That's probably not a good sign. I blame Oprah.*

Now that we're all caught up, here's Brunette Roommate being stupid. She was trying to force me to get the Doctor Who DVDs from the library since she doesn't have a card. I told her she could stop by after work and get one for herself. Her response: How much is it?

I kind of stared at her for a second: What?
BR: How much does it cost?
Me: A library card? You... haven't been to many libraries, have you?
BR: ... No...
Me: It's free. That's the point of a library.
BR: Ohhhhh. I thought you had to pay to check stuff out, but it was just cheaper than a bookstore.
Me: No...

*Other things I blame Oprah for: my unemployment, my laziness, Hurricane Andrew, and beehive hairdos.