My boss has been away for a few days, and I've been taking full advantage of his absence by playing music, rifling through his files, booby-trapping his chair, and rampaging through the office, smashing everything in sight with a giant elephant tusk. That last thing I probably should've put off until other people in the office had gone home, because apparently it's considered by
some people to be "malicious destruction of property." Also, who knew elephant poaching was looked down on here? Pshhh.
ANYhoo, I've been listening to
musicovery.com, and for about a solid 45-minute block yesterday, I was on their gospel channel, drifting along to lyrics like "Jeeeeeesus gonna come saaaave me" and "lord do it for meeeeee." I wondered if that would make people near me think that I was a Jesus Lurver, but then I realized that if they took my music choices that seriously, they would also think I was a vampire ("We suck young blood"-Radiohead), and
then I thought that despite their cool, devil-may-care attitude toward life and the glamorous movie stars they get to meet while shooting horror movies, it probably would suck to be a vampire. You can never just sit back with a margarita and enjoy a nice meal that your boyfriend cooked for you because first of all I don't think vampires can get drunk and second of all you have to get out and work for every meal you eat. You have to pick a victim, stalk him, get him alone, then restrain them while you suck their blood. You can't just get a cushy office job and pay a hitman to bring you people, because of the whole "allergic to daylight" thing, and you can't exactly work a graveyard shift at some gas station, because you're never going to make enough money to hire a full-time hitman (I guess headhunter would be a more appropriate term) and besides, people would start to get suspicious when you adamantly refuse to switch shifts with anyone (the daylight thing again) and there are mirrors everywhere in gas stations, although I suppose you could threaten your headhunter with death unless he brings you people, but then you have to reveal to him that you're a vamp and then you run the risk of him staking you, so really, you have no choice but to go get your own food.
Then I started thinking about pressing issues like the rate of change of vampire populations vs. human populations and interior decorating, which inevitably made me think of my gay puppy, and then I realized that it's almost 5 and I'm going home.
My point is, I thought of all of that while putting off doing work for TWO different jobs! Pretty impressive, huh?
To keep AwesomeBoss alive in spirit, here are some things he said the last time I saw him breathing, before he got on that doomed*** flight that took him so far away, never to return... until Thursday. He seemed to be in quite the militaristic, espionage-y mood Friday:
Awesome Boss: It's not enough for him to say "you need to be in Paris by morning." I need to worry about socks, are there bridges to blow up?
AB: They must have pictures of him with farm animals over in Tokyo.
AB: As long as we're not taking hostages, it's a good day.
*And you're to blaaaaaame. You give looooooooove a BAD. NAME.**
**I didn't hear this song on musicovery, I just wish I did, because who doesn't love the JonBon? He's as tasty as a BonBon, but with gorgeous flowing locks that a BonBon could never pull off.
***Caveat: AwesomeBoss's flight might or might not have actually been doomed in the traditional sense of being, you know,
doomed.
