I have this every day posting thing going on, and I don't want to mess it up yet.* I also want to finish watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The result of these conflicting interests is this post, where I transcribe parts of a conversation I had with a friend earlier tonight. I worked at a camp with her; her real nickname is a deadly weapon, so Glock it is.
Part Un: Where Glock steals thoughts out from under my fingers. Bitch.
Glock: dude, not paying bills is a good thing. just remember that
You'd Laugh: yeah, but i don’t have any friends in florida
Glock: you could always make new friends
You'd Laugh: I DONT WANNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS I WANT MY OLD ONES WAAAAAH
Glock: ok, janie (a whiny camper we worked with) (not her actual name)
Glock: oh, wait, she didn't have any friends
You'd Laugh: oh come on, she didn't have any friends
You'd Laugh: HAH
You'd Laugh: wait, is tomorrow christmas?
Glock: yes it is, loser
Glock: oh, wait you’re jewish
You'd Laugh: jewish loser
You'd Laugh: STOP IT
Part Deux: Where Glock destroys my childlike innocence. Bitch.
Glock: what happens if you laugh during service?
You'd Laugh: the guys giving the sermon or whatever you call it turn around and shush you, and everyone else gives you the evil eye
You'd Laugh: its kind of embarrassing
You'd Laugh: not that i would know what that feels like...
Glock: i take it this has happened to you?
You'd Laugh: fine, you talked it out of me
You'd Laugh: i am horrible at being respectful to god
Glock: well, i hear he still loves you anyway. he just wants you to leave his torah alone
You'd Laugh: oh, ill tor his a
You'd Laugh: if you know what i mean
Glock: yeah, i do
You'd Laugh: (sex)
Glock: he said he only still loves you because you share in his love for the motzah
You'd Laugh: he’s just using me to spread his word... about balls?
Glock: at least you know the truth
You'd Laugh: next you’re gonna tell me the tooth fairy is really just my parents
You'd Laugh: and hannukah harry was made up
You'd Laugh: by some guy
You'd Laugh: … somewhere
Part Trois: Where Glock reveals her love of tofu. Pacifist bitch.
Glock: peace and tofu
You'd Laugh: tofu?
You'd Laugh: bye, hippie
Glock: yeah, well there's this phrase, "peace and chicken grease" but then i became vegetarian and started saying tofu
You'd Laugh: you're a veggie?
You'd Laugh: since when?
Glock: i was until camp
Glock: camp made it hard
Glock: clearly i needed my protein for all the strength it took not to slap a bitch
*I realized too late that I already posted today, but since I stole that one from the Old Jewish Lady post and it's really short, I'll just say that two short, lazy posts equal one requiring effort. Don't judge me.
I Am Still Alive. Basically.
2 days ago